Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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