i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
