two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
