You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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