Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
