Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
