false alarm. still invincible.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
