i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
