That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
