I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
