you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
