it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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