The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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