Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
