so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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