I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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