He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
