I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
