piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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