I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
