I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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