1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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