GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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