We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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