so that wasnt chicken after all
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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