all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
