i jhust puked up my retainher.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
