I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
