if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
