sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
