god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
