He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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