my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
