After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
