listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have fence marks all over my body
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
