so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
