You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
