They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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