I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
