Can i not drive my cunt home
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
