I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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