3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i will never coherently bang her
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
