I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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