so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
