I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
