I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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