Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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