I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
