he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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