I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
